Bigfoot

Game: Bigfoot
Released: 1990
Status: Did not beat it
Rating: 5/10

The myths are true! Bigfoot exists! Alas it is not the hairy creature of legend, it's just a big freaking truck. I think I could grow to like this game if I had no other games. It makes me want to beat the other player and get more money to soup up my truck so I can compete in events like the car crush or mud race. I actually like the progression of it too. You travel between cities to compete in different events. The between part is a race against the other player where you must collect money and other valuables. It's not a bad idea, but the muddy controls tend to get in the way of this actually being a good game. Oh well!

Guess who's back? (Big Nose Freaks Out)

Game: Big Nose Freaks Out
Released: 1992
Status: Did not beat it
Rating: 3/10

Brutal, Boring. Okay, maybe I'll say a bit more. You roll on a board balanced on a ball. Sounds cool? It isn't. Part of the reason for my long hiatus has been the birth of my daughter and all of the craziness that brings, but ya know what, I've also tried to play this game on at least 5 different occasions and every time I die within the first 5 minutes of the game and just can't muster up the will to want to try again. That is not the mark of a good game. Oh well, it tried and so did I.

prehi-story (Big Nose the Caveman)

Game: Big Nose the Caveman
Released: 1991
Status: Did not beat it
Rating: 6/10

Ya know, this game wasn't bad. It stands as a testament to mediocre platformers. It controls well and the level design is pretty good. It's got some cheap hits, but hey...it's NES! It doesn't have any glaringly bad things to speak of, but it doesn't stand out in any good way either. It is also unlicensed as is it's sequel, but that doesn't make it bad or good. It is strange though that 4 games in a row on my list are unlicensed games.

Can you repeat the question? (Bible Buffet)

Game: Bible Buffet
Released: 1993
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 5/10

This is another strange game. Not the strangest I've played, Banana Prince still holds that honor, but this one is up there. After choosing how many players there will be, you are thrown into a board game with different lands all having to do with food. Strangely you can choose a one player game, which is kind of like playing monopoly by yourself. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. The squares you land on in the game make you complete different challenges to progress. Some are overhead levels where you must dodge attacking food items to win. Others go to a pop quiz. The questions for this quiz are in the instruction booklet. Now, why would they not just put the questions within the game? Instead I get a piece of paper that says, "4. True False." What?! And how does any of this have anything to do with the bible?

Praise Jeebus! (Bible Adventures)

Game: Bible Adventures
Released: 1990
Status: Did not beat any of the games.
Rating: 5/10

Bible Adventures, in all it's blue cartridge unlicensed glory, was not as bad as I had anticipated it being. That said, it is not a good game. It is not something I would recommend spending your time on. It's broken into 3 different games that all feel like exactly the same game. Playing as Noah, your goal is to pick up animals and put them onto your ark. In Baby Moses you pick up baby Moses and take him through the levels. Finally in David and Goliath, you pick up sheep and take them to the end of each level. Life is represented by tablets that when you pick up give you passages from the bible. Too much picking up stuff! It plays decently, but the sameness of the three games makes it feel very repetitive. I'd keep my theology and entertainment separate, or at least find it somewhere other than this game.

Worst of the Worst (Best of the Best: Championship Karate)

Game: Best of the Best: Championship Karate
Released: 1992
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 3/10

Boring. The more Nintendo games I play, the more I start feeling more like the age that I was when I was playing them. So like a ten year old, my mind quickly categorizes games into one of two categories: "Awesome!" or "Retarded!" This game falls into the latter. It feels like my fighter is in mud. And why are they so far away from me? I want to see the fight up close and personal. If I wanted back row seats at a fight, I'm sure I have the monetary means to procure said tickets. Though you do get to see the ring girls up close, which is really hot with their fully clothed pixelated bodies and creepy smiles on their mutant heads. I say pass this one up, there's a much better fighting game encased within the upcoming Blades of Steel.

Daylight come an me wan go home (Beetlejuice)

Game: Beetlejuice
Released: 1991
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 4/10

Beetlejuice, I imagine, would be a tough concept to try to properly port into a video game. Well, this is an example of how not to do it. It feels like there was a lot of potential, but what we get is a convoluted, ridiculously difficult mess. You play as Beetlejuice and can collect keys and hit switches and stomp on giant spiders to progress through the game. Unfortunately it is difficult to tell where you are supposed to be going and what to do once you get there. There are a lot of cheap hits and you will die constantly while trying to figure out what you should be doing. Not my cup of tea.