By the beard of Zues (The Battle of Olympus)

Game: The Battle of Olympus
Released: 1989
Status: Beat it.
Rating: 9/10

Awesome, awesome, awesome! Where has this game been all my life? This is definitely a lost treasure on the NES. See, this is the kind of game that I started this blog for. I knew there were games that were good that I never played as a child and this is one of them. It's much like Zelda 2 but set within greek mythology. I know many people don't love Zelda 2, but I think if it had not been a sequel to such a great game, it wouldn't have had such a hard time. This game has no such adversity to overcome. There is no leveling up, just collection of items to improve your hero as you visit many common locales from the myth's. It's quite a difficult game, but well worth the time. So if you too missed this game back in 1989, I suggest checking it out now.

Chlorophyll? More like borophyll (Battle Chess)

Game: Battle Chess
Released: 1990
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 4/10

Ahem, a haiku:

Oh lethargic pawn
Deep thoughts before you advance
I've fallen asleep

Why is this game moving so slow. I know it's chess, but come on...I'm playing a computer. When playing chess in real life I'm alright waiting, but against a computer, I just want it to make it's move so I can think about what I want to do. I'm no chess master, you don't have to think so hard to beat me! Then every piece takes twenty minutes to move and another 20 minutes if you chose to take your opponents piece. I understand they were trying to make it fun by showing the pieces battle it out, but they failed. Now it is just boring.

First the Joker, now (Batman Returns)

Game: Batman Returns
Released: 1993
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 6/10

Well, each Batman game has gotten incrementally better. If there had been 20 of them for the Nintendo, we might have started having great games around number 19. This iteration was a side scrolling beat 'em up game from Konami and worked alright. As far as games in this genre go, it is just kind of in the middle. The graphics were very good though. It had relatively cinematic stills to tell the story and they looked really good. Best Batman of it's time... which is not saying much.

Here's Johnny! (Batman: Return of the Joker)

Game: Batman: Return of the Joker
Released: 1991
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 5/10

It is a marked change from the first Batman game by Sunsoft. It has a more arcade like feel to it, but the controls feel a little too loose still. Return of the Joker tries to mix up the gameplay a bit which is nice. There are the regular platforming levels which have been tweaked for more action than the previous Batman, Boss fights, and a shooter like stage where Batman flies through the air shooting enemies out of the sky. It was a nice attempt, but still failed in the area that is most important, fun. I like fun, that's why I started this blog, so, a plea to Nintendo games everywhere: please help me, I'm drowning in 8bit hell.

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na (Batman)

Game: Batman
Released: 1990
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 4/10

The idea of a batman video game sounds like a good plan, but in execution has proved to be rather difficult. I want to swoop in, punch guys in the face, throw batarangs, drive the batmobile, and use all of my fancy gadgetry. It all sounds good, but until very recently there have been no batman games that anyone could say are more than mediocre and this is no exception. While it has high production value, they forgot to spend the time and money where it was needed, on the fun. When I play a platformer type game and I say jump, my character damn well better listen. Batman however is not impressed when I push the jump button. He will get around to it in his own sweet time. All of the controls just feel a little slow and when I'm fighting crime on the streets of Gotham, I need good reflexes. But I want to drive the batmobile and I want more toys to play with. Man I am whiny. We will see if the sequels can improve.

Said we'd be forever, said it'd never die (Bases Loaded 4)

Game: Bases Loaded 4
Released: 1993
Status: No more baseball!
Rating: Does it even matter?

Perhaps if I were not so jaded, I would give this a good score. Perhaps it deserves it. This series is a good one as far as baseball games go and this is definitely the best looking one on the NES. They kept changing the view in the first three games, but stuck with the same overhead view as 3. It's nice because it is different than other baseball games. But seriously... I just don't care. The very best part of this game is the fact that I am done with baseball games. I can endure a lot of crappy games, but playing the same lame game over and over just kills me. At least it wasn't 9 Barbie games all in a row. Though to give some perspective of how fevered my thoughts are after this, 9 Barbie games doesn't sound too bad to me right now.

Slogging through to the end (Bases Loaded 3)

Game: Bases Loaded 3
Released: 1991
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 5/10

"I deserve to be blown fast! Before the Jacuzzi! Okay, I’ll burn the goddamn house up, but blow me first! How dare you?!" Mel Gibson's feelings towards Oksana are similar to my feelings towards Bases Loaded 3. Oh sure, the relationship started out fine, but then Bases Loaded got in the jacuzzi and became stagnant. It just won't pleasure me anymore. So I have to yell, scream, curse and breathe heavily to try and get my point across. You think Mel's got problems, I 'm standing here yelling at a twenty year old video game. Well I guess at least it's legal. I've got one more stupid baseball game to go, and unless it blows me, I just don't think it's going to get a very good score.

The ball is back (Bases Loaded II: Second Season)

Game: Bases Loaded II: Second Season
Released: 1990
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 6/10

I'll go ahead and say to begin with that it is not worse than the first game, it just doesn't have enough improvements to have cause for a new game. Here in lies the problem: So many game franchises, particularly sports franchises, don't improve enough to warrant a sequel. I want new modes of play or vastly improved graphics or something that tells me, hey, this is actually a new game. But alas, a broken system such as this will never be remedied because people will buy each new iteration. Dumb. I don't care if you updated stats, polished a few graphics here and there to look marginally better or changed the look of the scoreboard. Stop wasting my time!

Much like my pants, we've got some (Bases Loaded)

Game: Bases Loaded
Released: 1988
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 7/10

Okay, so color me impressed. This game is a good baseball game. If you like baseball, this is the game for you. I still like Bad News Baseball better for it's more arcade like feel, but this is more true to baseball. You get to choose your pitchers based on ERA and can replace them during the game if needed. The single player game is an entire season. The gameplaytry's to mimic what it looks like on TV almost and the graphics are good, especially for a 1988 game. This is a well put together game. If you are a fan of baseball, then this is the game for you.

I think I'm losing it (Baseball Stars II)

Game: Baseball Stars II
Released: 1992
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 5/10

I guess the games nearer to the top of the list had the advantage of me not being sick and tired of playing boring, bad games. Not that this game is bad. Heck, if you like baseball, it might even be good. But I don't care anymore. Why is the field in the domed stadium blue? Perhaps I am seeing things, or the glass in the dome of the stadium happens to block all of the color spectrum except for blue. Or this stadium is on Neptune. I guess if they couldn't find a way to make baseball as a sport interesting in the last 100 years, why would I think they could make this series more interesting in 3 years. 4 more to go...

Strike 3 (Baseball Stars)

Game: Baseball Stars
Released: 1989
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 5/10

And the award for a completely mediocre baseball game goes to... These games are all beginning to look the same to me and I still have 5 to go. One of these games is gonna have to do something really great to impress me at this point. This game plays like every other baseball game. The players look more like actual human beings in this game, so that might be a plus if you happen to care about something like that in an 8 bit game. No actual MLB teams, but some of the players are famous players from baseballs past. You know they have to be famous if I've heard of them! Tune in tomorrow to see yet another baseball game, and my descent into madness!

Sim Baseball (Baseball Simulator 1.000)

Game: Baseball Simulator 1.000
Released: 1990
Status: Beat it.
Rating: 6/10

Well, I didn't really know what to expect going into this. The title mislead me a bit. I thought it said 1,000 which sounded futuristic. Then the title screen came up in front of a star filled sky and I thought, oh good, some more sci-fi baseball. But it actually says 1.000. That is to say that it is Baseball simulator 1 with four significant digits.It is in fact two different baseball games in one. The first is just a regular baseball game: cool team names, standard gameplay. It also has ultra mode where you have special moves that can pitch the ball faster and hit it harder to knock back outfielders. It's interesting, but doesn't matter that much to me. It does give the option for a 165 game season for the baseball video game hardcore elite. Have fun with that! I just won the one game that I played... good enough for me!

Bad news for people that love baseball (Baseball)

Game: Baseball
Released: 1985
Status: I was winning but stopped playing.
Rating: 2/10

Well, at least the name is concise and descriptive. This is a baseball game, that much can be said for it. That might be all that can be said for it. It really try's to capture the true flavor of baseball as a sport in the way that it takes for ever and is really boring. Thanks! I don't even know how to steal a base in this game so the pitcher doesn't really need to throw the ball to first base 3 times before pitching... but he does. Well, maybe it's a good one to start with, I can't imagine going down from here; leaving no where to go but up!