Can you repeat the question? (Bible Buffet)

Game: Bible Buffet
Released: 1993
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 5/10

This is another strange game. Not the strangest I've played, Banana Prince still holds that honor, but this one is up there. After choosing how many players there will be, you are thrown into a board game with different lands all having to do with food. Strangely you can choose a one player game, which is kind of like playing monopoly by yourself. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. The squares you land on in the game make you complete different challenges to progress. Some are overhead levels where you must dodge attacking food items to win. Others go to a pop quiz. The questions for this quiz are in the instruction booklet. Now, why would they not just put the questions within the game? Instead I get a piece of paper that says, "4. True False." What?! And how does any of this have anything to do with the bible?

Praise Jeebus! (Bible Adventures)

Game: Bible Adventures
Released: 1990
Status: Did not beat any of the games.
Rating: 5/10

Bible Adventures, in all it's blue cartridge unlicensed glory, was not as bad as I had anticipated it being. That said, it is not a good game. It is not something I would recommend spending your time on. It's broken into 3 different games that all feel like exactly the same game. Playing as Noah, your goal is to pick up animals and put them onto your ark. In Baby Moses you pick up baby Moses and take him through the levels. Finally in David and Goliath, you pick up sheep and take them to the end of each level. Life is represented by tablets that when you pick up give you passages from the bible. Too much picking up stuff! It plays decently, but the sameness of the three games makes it feel very repetitive. I'd keep my theology and entertainment separate, or at least find it somewhere other than this game.

Worst of the Worst (Best of the Best: Championship Karate)

Game: Best of the Best: Championship Karate
Released: 1992
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 3/10

Boring. The more Nintendo games I play, the more I start feeling more like the age that I was when I was playing them. So like a ten year old, my mind quickly categorizes games into one of two categories: "Awesome!" or "Retarded!" This game falls into the latter. It feels like my fighter is in mud. And why are they so far away from me? I want to see the fight up close and personal. If I wanted back row seats at a fight, I'm sure I have the monetary means to procure said tickets. Though you do get to see the ring girls up close, which is really hot with their fully clothed pixelated bodies and creepy smiles on their mutant heads. I say pass this one up, there's a much better fighting game encased within the upcoming Blades of Steel.

Daylight come an me wan go home (Beetlejuice)

Game: Beetlejuice
Released: 1991
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 4/10

Beetlejuice, I imagine, would be a tough concept to try to properly port into a video game. Well, this is an example of how not to do it. It feels like there was a lot of potential, but what we get is a convoluted, ridiculously difficult mess. You play as Beetlejuice and can collect keys and hit switches and stomp on giant spiders to progress through the game. Unfortunately it is difficult to tell where you are supposed to be going and what to do once you get there. There are a lot of cheap hits and you will die constantly while trying to figure out what you should be doing. Not my cup of tea.

Word to your moms I came to drop bombs (Bee 52)

Game: Bee 52
Released: 1992
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 5/10

Here's a game about a bee. It's kind of like a shooter in some ways since you shoot things, which is not an ability I knew about bees possessing. It's hard being a bee though, as the ants always want to steal your honey. Solution, sting ants and spiders, and shoot everything else to collect your pollen and finish levels. It has a lot of really agitating parts, which is okay because that just means it's a Nintendo game, but there is just not enough pay off. I can put up with games getting in cheap shots as long as I get to something better because of it. Not devoid of fun, just a hard subject to make interesting.

Tale as old as time, as boring as this rhyme (Beauty and the Beast)

Game: Beauty and the Beast
Released: 1994
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 4/10

This game was only released in Europe, but we're not missing anything. It's controls feel clunky making some deaths feel pretty cheap. The enemies are kind of stupid. You have to race all around trying to meet your objective, which I never really figured out other than, "Oh no, Belle is in trouble!" It's an interesting concept, the rose petals falling off indicating your time limit and trying to navigate the castle, but it shouldn't be so hard for someone to get around in their own home.

Together at last (Battletoads and Double Dragon)

Game: Battletoads and Double Dragon
Released: 1993
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 7/10

The extreme difficulty from the first Battletoads has been toned down here, but it makes the whole experience seem watered down. Where the first Battletoads innovated, this game is just a rehash. It is a strange team up indeed, but I feel that both of the original games were better than this strange amalgamation. Though now you get to fight brawlers and space pigs all in one game. Oh happy day!

No time for pigs (Battletoads)

Game: Battletoads
Released: 1991
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 7/10

I have a lot of fond memories of this game though I never owned it when I was young. It is a well put together game and fun to play. It is a beat em up game, but it has other gameplay sprinkled in for good measure. All of this works well, but it's difficulty ramps up so fast that playing it now I remember that as a kid I only saw the first couple of levels. It's kind of unfortunate. Anyone who has played this knows about the speeder bike part, because that is the part that all of your time playing this game is spent on. It would have got a better score if it wasn't so hard, but as is, most people will only get to see the first 10 minutes of the game, and that is just kinda sad.

H6... You sank my (Battleship)

Game: Battleship
Released: 1993
Status: Didn't beat it.
Rating: 7/10

So I always ask: why would I play a game on the Nintendo that I have in my closet. While some games don't add much to the formula, the good ones try to add little twists without vastly changing the dynamic of the game. This is one of the good ones. It is just like the board game you know and love, but they have added little bonuses. The game is broken into levels and beating the computer 5 times gets you to the next level. Each level gives you new ships or firing patterns which changes things up just enough to keep it interesting. Plus now you can play anytime you want with no need for pesky friends.

Two dollars and fifteen cents! (Battle Tank)

Game: Battle Tank
Released: 1990
Status: Did not beat it.
Rating: 2/10

Seriously, who wants to play a tank simulator. If you're really hardcore, here is a suggestion for this game to feel more authentic: On a hot summer day, take a metal box out to your sandbox and get inside with a TV, a Nintendo and this game. Now it really feels like being in a tank, right? I'm not sure of the authenticity of the layout of the tank or any other logistics of this game, because I have never been in a tank. I don't really want to be in a tank and I don't need to imagine being in one either. If I did imagine it though, it would be more fun than this.